Why I'm No Good to You or This Country (Adam, I Stole My First Line From Your Essay)

I’ll never fight in a war. I just don’t fucking care. I really don’t. If I wake up and the reds aren’t going to let me eat fruit loops then so be it. It’s that or I die, right? I don’t like fruit loops that much anyway. I guess I’m just more open to change than most people. Or maybe pacifism is just a by-product of being politically apathetic. And lazy.

Also, I don’t think I’d be as desensitized as I’m supposed to be from having watched and enjoyed all those tv murders. I get a sick feeling when I can make out lifelike details on roadkill. Eyes, mostly. I just don’t think I could hack it, really. In the end, I’d just be one of those frozen guys, watching his buddy getting killed, and pretending the whole thing is just a Looney Toons episode. I would let them all die, because everyone will be back next time, no matter how many parts they were blown into.

i tried to blog

I really did.

But instead I got caught on thinking about what song I would like to have play at my funeral, and how Sufjan Stevens would probably be what I would listen to if any of my friends ever died because of something I did.

I decided it would probably have been a car accident. A left hand turn that would crush my friend so I would have to watch from the driver's seat. That way I could remember it forever. Write about it. Have people feel as sorry for me as they do for my dead friend.

I would listen to Sufjan while sitting at a fire, on a beach somewhere, poking at the embers with a stick. I would think about how Sufjan would be a predictable choice and that people might start to catch on.

So I didn't decide on a song.